The Offence
We hadn’t see Jerome in a while. Then
unexpectedly he came by the Editorial Offices the other day and he was clearly
in distress. He was on his way home after a meeting at a Studio Downtown, said
he needed to talk. He did not want to go to lunch. We thought maybe his meeting
did not go well, but no. ‘That went well enough’ he said. ‘It was something else.
Don’t tell anyone, OK?’
‘It happened after I came
and saw you guys the last time. But guys I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t
going to. I don’t think.’ We quietly listen wondering what this is. One of the
staff pats Jerome on the shoulder. Another gets him a beer from the fridge.
‘Honest, I never saw her before.’ Staff exchanges looks. We tell him we
understand and we have plenty of time and to take a deep breath. We listen.
‘After I left you guys I had some time before I had to start back so I thought
I would go and look around. I went to that new outside shopping mall you have
here so I can look in the stores.’
We agree about the high-end
stores in the Mall, the restaurants, and so on. ‘Yes you have the best here. I
am glad I wore a coat and dress shirt. Even if I did take off my tie. I look in
the stores. There are even benches to sit and relax. And so I do and think
about what I have seen. And that if I ever want to buy a new shirt and tie I
will come back here.’ We tell Jerome that we quite like his vintage shirt and
tie. ‘So I am sitting and putting off my drive back home. The people there are
interesting to look at.’
‘As I am just about ready to get up and leave I see a beautiful
young woman with a baby walking towards me. I am interested in everything so I
look at her. Guys maybe it is not a good idea to be too interested in all that
you see.’ We look at one another again. We take out our notebooks. ‘She keeps
walking towards me. I expect her to turn before she gets to me or take a seat
next to me on the bench. No. She stops in front of me, hands me the baby and
says something like “you take him.”’
‘I now have the baby. I can say nothing. She says “I will be right
back.” And walks away.’ We are writing in the notebooks now. ‘I am sitting on
this bench with a baby. I look at the baby. He looks at me. I smile. He smiles.
The woman does not come back. Maybe it wasn’t so long. It seemed long. Then I
am happy to see her coming back towards me. She has several shopping bags now.
A clerk from one of the stores is with her. I think she is going to take the
baby back but instead she says “I need money.” The clerk is looking hard at
me.’
We are amazed as we write. ‘Holding the baby I stand and reach
into my pocket and take some bills out. I hand them to the clerk. He smiles and
hands me back change. She grabs the change from my hand, gives it to the clerk
for a tip, and thanks him for his patience.’ We all laugh. ‘This is funny guys
but it gets unfunny right away.’ We are quiet. ‘Just then two very hostile men
walk up. They look at her, then to me. “So you would be the one wouldn’t you?”
One says. The woman shows some fear, takes the baby from me, and steps back.’
One of us brings Jerome another beer. ‘The two men look at me. The
woman says nothing. She is too scared to talk? She walks away turns, looks back
a moment, and just walks away. I smile and offer to shake hands to the big one
closest to me. This is some sort of misunderstanding that will soon be clear. I
think.’ “It is not going to be that easy” he says to me. “We are offended! You
have to take your punishment.” One of the guys is holding a leather whip coiled
in his hand. “For what”? I say.
‘“A matter of honor. Of respect. Take off your coat. Manhood is
involved here.” He cracks the whip.’
‘“Turn around. My associate will lift up your shirt. We have to do
this. It won’t take long. You will recover.” “What did I do?” I ask. “You know
what you did. Your kind always knows.”’
‘A large family group walks up to the bench just then. The man
with the whip says “do what we say and hold on to the back of the bench!” I
quickly slide sideways between the family and take off as fast as I can and
walk-run weaving down through the crowds. I hear a whip cracking not too far
behind.’
‘I quickly go to the wall at the edge of the mall and jump over. I
run towards the side street where I parked my car. I look behind me and see the
two jumping over the wall. One is still cracking the whip. I would not have
time to unlock my car and get in. I know where I will go. I run past the car
towards a small park over by the railroad tracks. I know there is usually a
beat cop there. And a lot of homeless people, bums, petty thieves, hustlers,
and people selling one thing or another on blankets spread at the edge of the
park.’
‘I have to think. Get the attention of the cop. They like to keep
the street people moving along and don’t like crowds gathering. Especially if
they are getting worked up about something.’
‘Think! I see one of the street venders selling used books. There
is a stack of larger books at the edge. Bibles! That will work. I run over
quickly grab one of the largest Bibles and throw more than enough bills and
change on the blanket. I hurry into the park.’
‘Running with the Bible I make my way through the crowd pulling
off my coat. I stop and place the Bible and coat between my knees and hopping
along take my white shirt off. I turn it around, put it back on, and manage to
button the top and a few other buttons behind me. I pull my coat back on and
take the tie out of my coat pocket and drape it over my shoulders. The shirt
fits a little odd but the collar looks enough like a Preacher’s collar now. Now
to get the attention of the police.’
‘I take the Bible in one hand and get up on top of one of the
tables over towards the other side of the park. I shout in the best Preacher’s
voice I can imagine “Are you washed in the Blood of the Lamb?” People look at me.
“Yes you I mean You!” I shout. And point.’
‘As loud as I can, “I am Pastor Jerome.” I hear back “Passed your
what?” and laughter. And “yea, you passed your time maybe” more laughter.’
A few people start to gather. I finally see the beat cop over at the
side. He is looking at me. I have to act with all the energy I can. I take the
Bible in my left hand and open to a page. I will read some verses.’
‘It’s a Dictionary! Guys I grabbed a Dictionary!’
‘OK! I’ll stop so everyone can laugh.’
‘Not funny! Think! I think. I opened it at the “R’s”. I see a
word. Rock. “Don’t think about Rock Music. Think of the Rock of Ages” I shout.
A few people start to sing Rock of Ages.
Maybe this will work.’
‘I open to another page, the G’s. “Ye are a generation of gripers!”
Someone yells back, “Vipers! You mean vipers.” “Snakes!” “Hello?” More laughter. And words like “Sucks”
“Fool!” But the crowd is getting bigger. Good!’
‘I turn to another page, the D’s. “I preach the Old Dispensation!
No weak New Dispensation for me. Old Time.”
There are some boos. “Borr Ring” and “You call that preaching?”’
‘Someone shouts “I got your
sensation!” More laughter.’
‘I continue “The Old Dispensation is strict. If you like it you
can’t do it anymore. If you don’t like it you can’t do it very much.”’
‘And more “Fool!” “Weak!”’ Booing. I better turn to another
letter.
‘I open to the V’s. “Are you going to be rise with the Wise
Virgins? Or are you going to fall with the Foolish Virgins.” “Now you talking
Brother” and “They both OK with me.” Laughter.’
‘“Vanity of vanities” I shout. “We got a new vanity put in over at
the halfway house” someone shouts back. Some are having fun anyway.’
‘Then I remember “The race is not always to the strong…” and
before I can add the next line someone yells “Yea, but that’s the way to bet!” That
voice sounded like the guy with the whip.’
‘By now I have drawn a big crowd. Some take me seriously, reacting
with “Amens” and “Tell it Brother” and so on. Others jeer at my preaching
style. Most are amused and are in on the joke. This is not a joke. I see the
police man is still looking at me, but now is speaking into small radio. I see
the two men who are chasing me standing at the back of the crowd. They do not
look like they are giving up on their plans. I will act boldly.’
‘I look straight at the two men and with as much energy as I can
shout “do you want to be forgiven?” I step down from the table top to the bench
seat. Pointing at the two I repeat “do you want to be forgiven?” I step down to
the grass and start towards the two. The crowd parts as I continue towards
them. “You know who you are” as I point. “Ye are not forgiven if Ye do not in
turn, uh, forgive unto them.” I move closer. They seem surprised, but the one
is still holding the coiled whip.’
‘I walk up right to them and shout ‘Forbear thee thy malice!” And
to the one not holding the whip “On your knees man! On your knees while there
is still time!” And to my surprise I
must admit he actually drops to one knee. The other is surprised and slaps his
kneeling partner on the back of his head. He looks bewildered. “I shout
“Repent” again. The man is stunned. The other drops the coiled whip to reach
with both hands to pull the other back up to his feet. I grab the whip and jump
back.’
‘“The serpent has come amongst us!” I shout holding the whip in
the middle and shaking it over my head. “The Evil One has come to take sinners!”
The crowd starts running around, bumping into one another. Some are shouting
“snake!” There is some laughing. I move around holding and shaking the whip
repeating “The serpent has come amongst us!” Just when the whip’s owner gets
close to me I throw the ‘snake’ into the air. “The Devil is descending upon
us!” The man is trying to recover his whip. A few see it as a real leather whip
and the man and several have hold now and are pulling in different directions.’
‘Just then a police car with lights and siren on full pulls up. I
leave. Oh did I ever leave. I have never moved so quickly and I did not look
back as I found myself next to my car. I quickly got in and carefully drove
away.’ We look at one another. He repeats that he didn’t do anything wrong. And
‘why did that happen?’ We tell Jerome we understand. And that we are glad he
came by and that we insist that we go to our favorite place on the Arroyo for
lunch. As we walk out the door Jerome asks “Could you guys use another
Dictionary here?”