Voices’ Campus hadn’t had a visit from Jerome in some time. We are always happy to see him, especially because we know you, our readers, are always happy to read about his latest adventures. And so out for lunch at one of our favorite ‘centers for creativity.’ After the first round of beers arrives Jerome shows us the press release you see just above. We are anxious to learn the back story here and Jerome is happy to tell us. What follows is in his own words.

“Boys there might be some irony in this story. As background it seems this fellow, who is way too open to suggestion, had been reading those blurbs that come up on our computer screens about guns. You have seen them. ‘The best ten 9mm pistols for home protection.’ ‘The best nine assault rifles for home protection.’ ‘Eight essential shotguns for home protection.’ “Lever action or assault rifle? We tested seven. You decide. For home protection.’ ” We looked at each other and nodded, all being computer users. “There is another part of this story boys, A very important part for the way it all turned out.”  

“In our larger public parks there is usually a group of men, not entirely men, who gather around several of the benches over at the edge of the park, away from the playgrounds and dog walking areas. These groups typically are made up of day laborers who didn’t get work that day, sometimes employed homeless, various unpublished writers, musicians in between gigs, convicts on parole in between meetings with their parole officer, and various other free spirits. They don’t cause anyone trouble and often the local beat cop will come by to chat. As do local ministers and social workers. And sometimes business owners needing help.”

As Jerome talked we took notes and ordered another round of beers. Anxious we are to hear what our citizen on patrol did next. Jerome continued.

“So this citizen went all in with equipment. He bought protective vests and chemical sprays. He carried handcuffs and wore a helmet with a flashlight on the top. Firearms. He had a police-grade 9mm sidearm, ten round clip. Short barreled shotgun with a pistol grip slung around his shoulders coming at rest at waste level. Nor did he forgo a combat grade assault rifle, with a backpack full of extra ammunition clips. He wore a heavy equipment belt with extra 9mm clips, a large flashlight, and a combat baton. With heavy combat boots and a communication device attached to the front of his vest he was ready for his first evening of patrol.

One of us interjected “Or to go invade a small country.” Jerome continued:

“It all went well for our hero for a while on that first patrol. People looked at him as he walked by. Some scratched their heads. Others who know him doubled over in laughter. Un-dissuaded he made circuits around the neighborhood. After several hours where he could see no evil he decided to increase his perimeter of patrol. He ventured out one block and then another. After the third or fourth perimeter change he needed a rest. By this time he was at the edge of a large park. And he was in bad need of a break, maybe sit for a while on one of the park benches.

“Find a drinking fountain (next time bring a water canteen). Over by an edge of the park there are several large picnic tables close together. There a number of men gathered around, most looked to be drinking some sort of beverage. He wondered if that was illegal. He decided to go over to the tables to see if there was any suspicious activity, or maybe discourage any suspicious activity. As he approached the men stopped talking with one another and looked toward him. As he came close about a half dozen got up and came over to and slowly surrounded him. All he could think of to say was ‘as you were men. I don’t mean to intrude.’

“’No problem’ one said. ‘All are welcome here’ said another. ‘Good gear’ said a third. One man grabbed his large flashlight, another, the baton. ‘Relax dude.’ And just as quickly his sidearm was out of the holster, the belt came off, and another took the shotgun from around his neck. They had to take the assault rifle from his hand to get the shotgun off. ‘Come over and sit down, take a load off.’ .That vest must be heavy’ then someone took off his backpack. He looked around and could not see any of his equipment. Some still talked to him while others are quickly leaving. Finally the few left said ‘you better run along home now.’   

“In the following weeks some in the neighborhood were able to purchase some of the non-lethal equipment at the local flea markets. Some kept the items as keepsakes, others returned them to our ‘armed citizen.’ As for the three firearms… . No one looks forward to the circumstances under which any of these will come to the surface again.”  

We thanked Jerome for the story. He was off to talk with some of his colleagues over in Hollywood. Back on Campus we wondered about this whole idea of carrying firearms in public. We remembered our futile discussions with Marlin LaPoint. We will not repeat these. But if you think about it. If the State said open carry was permitted we wondered if we would strap on a picturesque old time Western Colt-type revolver. Maybe two? What might happen then? Impress the Ladies? Or? What else? Bully people. Certainly draw attention you must admit. And attention from who? Whom?

You are out in public with your holster strapped on, fine leather with fine tooling, a fine looking handgun, one of the “Old West” designed from the gun ads, the gun belt loaded with polished cartridges. You look…fine. Some people look alarmed and move away. Power! But what if a tough looking dude appears in front of you and insists on trying on your gun belt. What then?

***

Epilogue

Jerome came back by about a year later.

“You’ll remember about a year ago I told you about that ‘Armed Citizen’ that dressed up like a commando to patrol the neighborhood and got all his Rambo gear taken away by those guys that hang in the park?”

We did remember. 

“Well, get this,( I heard this from our friend Warren Crane. You know Warren.) remember how all the guns and ammo was turned in to the police eventually except for the 9mm pistol. Turns out that gun was used in a liquor store robbery over on the bypass. But the funny part is the Armed Citizen was the robber. He showed up early just after opening and there was chump change in cash because after closing yesterday they made a night drop at the bank. He ended up taking the cash and change, two bottles of Jack Daniel’s, a bunch of Scratchers and a bag of Doritos. The doors stuck a little when he pushed the entrance side with his gun hand and shot himself in the leg, nearly blead to death. Lucky for him the guy working in the store had Marine experience and tied a tourniquet until the EMT’s showed up.

“It is thought he made the ‘robbery’ to support his claims of ‘high crime’ in the city. Now the question is how’d he end up getting that gun back?”

END